I talk a lot about the power of human connection and how the best way to connect with people is through face to face contact. This video from Soul Pancake really embodies the lesson by showing the WHY behind face to face communication. When we look into each others' eyes and give quality eye-contact for a period of time, we really feel the connection with one another at a deeply human level. This is why speakers are taught to give eye contact around the room, because if they want their audience to connect with their message, they need to connect with the speaker first and foremost. Homework: Pay attention to your eye contact for the next 24 hours. How much eye contact do you give to others when you're having a conversation? Do you look away often, or give eye contact the entire time you're talking? Make a note in a journal and set a goal for improving the eye contact you give to others. It feels really awkward at first, but after a while it will become common practice.
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Have you ever met someone that you had a hard time connecting with but needed the relationship to work?
Many people struggle with these kinds of relationships, myself included. Each time I find myself asking "How can I have an authentic relationship with this person when I have little in common with them? The first instinct is to lie. It's easy to make up commonalities and create stories that match up with theirs to build artificial closeness. But to build a truly authentic relationship, it's important to be honest, or you may find yourself caught in a lie in the future. So what's the key to an authentic, honest, and successful relationship with someone you don't have much in common with? The key is finding the parts of their stories that you connect with and focusing on those commonalities. Here's an example. Sarah - "I went to a rave once and I had so many drinks and drugs that I don't remember it. But my friend took care of me the entire time and showed me the meaning of true friendship. She really had my back." Heather (who has never been to a rave and is morally opposed to drugs) - Wow, I have an amazing friend like that too. She took care of me when I had mono in college and collected notes for all my classes." Sarah and Heather can't connect on the subject of partying, but the deep connection they have with a faithful friend can connect them. In every interaction we are all seeking connection. Your goal when getting to know others is to focus on the commonalities that connect you. If you always make this your first priority in communication, you'll find connection with everyone around you. One of the funny things about video editing is that the more you watch the video over and over again, the more you feel you know the person being featured.
It can actually get a little weird if you really think about it. I've been working on reviewing a couple of executive videos for a few weeks now, working with an editing team to get them just right, but the more I look at them the more I feel my eyes start lighting up the way they do for people I know well. I even crack a little smile when I see their really authentic on-camera moments. I feel a connection with the executives in the video even though we've had little more than a few instances of small talk in real life. Just imagine how powerful that effect can be when a person sees video after video of the same person giving a message? They feel connected, as if they have a real relationship with the person they're watching. Remember Michael Jackson? His music videos premiered on national primetime television. Many of us had been watching him all of our lives, and we had seen so many generations of images of him that we could identify him even in costume. I remember feeling a strong emotional connection with Michael (we're on a first name basis) even thought I had never met him in the flesh. And when he left the world, I was severely disappointed. I might be getting a little ahead of myself, but I believe that the invention of video gave us all the reach of GODS. There may be a person in Bankok watching one of Michael Jackson's childhood performances, while a person in the U.S. could be watching a video of one of his adult performances -- all the while he is no longer on the earth at all. I'm a big time promoter of the concept of video. I don't believe that all people should be recording themselves, but those who have something to share can immortalize themselves by sharing their gifts with the world. How much of an impact do you want to make? That's really the only relevant question to ask when considering video as a tool to share your gifts. One of the major goals of my life is to insure that I am always living for inspiration.
I constantly review my life and take note of what gives me energy and what takes it away. Those things that increase my energy are the things I try to give more time to. And likewise I work to eliminate activities, behaviors, habits, and people that drain me. One of my biggest sources of energy is helping other people. It really can be helping with anything, but I really enjoy sharing my platforms with others. Giving someone a platform is the greatest gift you can give. This is why a "retweet" is so meaningful on Twitter. Sharing your platform with another person means you trust them to represent you well and is one of the highest forms of appreciation. I work hard to develop relationships with others and have built several groups, committees, and networks. And now I'm realizing that perhaps I don't build these networks for myself. I build them so others can connect and grow together. Some people have dreams of being the next big star or thought leader, but truthfully, I'm just as joyful standing in the background admiring the people I've elevated. I can't even see myself being the star of anything unless it means adding value for others and facilitating the receipt of that value. I do believe that it's my life's work to facilitate learning for others. I'm not a teacher in the sense that I give specific lesson plans, but I find each person's weaknesses and help them find the resources they need to overcome them. This is why my networking group "Women of Denver" is so important to me. It gives me the opportunity to facilitate growth for other women. It's a platform for women to practice leadership and develop. My life's purpose. I can't wait to see it grow even more. I wonder how many lives I'll change? To find the truth, we must crowd source.
Have you ever had 5 people give you completely different pieces of advice about the same subject? I believe the truth is found when we look for the commonalities amongst their viewpoints. The same goes for podcasts. I listen to podcasts each and every morning, mostly those focused on digital marketing and small business success. Each expert has a different opinion on how to accomplish the same goal. Without a doubt, you'll hear a show on product launching from Expert A and they say put the product out there first and then grow your audience, but then Expert B will run the same topic on their show and tell you that without a doubt you must have your audience first prior to developing and launching a product. What's the common thread between them? The universal truth is that you must build an audience to see any success in selling a product. Whether you build it before or after you launch your product may not even matter. Everyone believes that the way something worked for them is the way it will always work for others, but there are many varying outcomes depending on individual situations. Your goal as a listener when taking advice is to find the common thread between what all the advice-givers are saying so you can find that universal truth and work from there. Back to my podcast obsession... My very first podcast icon was Pat Flynn. When I discovered him I honestly hated his show because I had been exposed to "real" broadcasting through my husband's involvement with professional radio. But even through my snobby listening ear, I fell in love with his passion and his ability to connect me with successful people who could guide me on my personal journey to become one of them. Next, I discovered Marie Forleo, whose Jersey flair engaged me with video after video about how to succeed in business. Technically, she's on YouTube, not iTunes. Then there was Michael Hyatt. I actually did a few months of his Platform University and highly recommend it. And finally, the newest star in my roster is John Lee Dumas. He introduces me to a new successful business person every day and I grow and learn with each new episode. There are others, but these are my favorites. By listening to podcasts, I'm able to get several opinions on the most important business topics in my world. I can then consider the voice of the many and find the universal truth in what they have to say. Have you tried podcasts yet? People say I have a cool job, and they're right. I'm the girl that's compelling, influential, and creative -- at least, that's the perception that comes along with this gig. I won't complain about that.
But there's one thing that always messes with my head a little. Anyone could do my job, but they just don't. When you think about it, the concept of communicating is as simple as 1,2,3. Step 1: Decide what you want other people to do. Step 2: Figure out what would inspire them to do it. Step 3: Ask them to do it the way that will inspire them to do it. It really is that simple, but most human beings I know don't like to think that way. They say "I'm not a salesperson" or "I'm more of the analytical type." What? So you can't communicate with people because you're not the type. I call bull*[censored]. Everyone has the innate ability to communicate and influence others to act. It's just a part of life, but some people have been lied to. Someone told you the story that you aren't a good communicator (or salesperson, or marketer, or leader). And you believed them. I say, it's time to get off your analytical high horse and start learning to communicate. Be the person who can compel others to act. Sell. Market. Lead. Influence. Now I know this isn't the nicest way to start a personal blog. This really is my very first post.
But I feel a professional obligation to teach people to communicate effectively, so here is my first big tip. This tidbit I'm about to share is the reason I get paid. It's what separates me from all the other yahoos in the world writing slop and calling it a message. Ok. Here goes. Communication is not about you. There. I said it. I know it hurts, but really, do you ever stop to consider the person on the other end of your communication? Many wonderfully intelligent and interesting people fail at this most important skill. When communicating in any form, always consider your audience first. This is relevant in both professional and everyday communication -- written, verbal or video. What does this mean in practical terms? In an everyday conversation, it means asking questions more than you talk, giving information in ways that the other person can easily understand it, and focusing on topics the listener actually cares about rather than what you want to share. Professionally, it means stopping to listen when you ask "how are you?" It also means eliminating jargon when you're talking to people out of your industry (or better yet, forget jargon altogether. We don't need new words). And lastly, it means being succinct with messaging so you can stop wasting people's time. Now I've just given away the secrets of my industry. My career is over. Darn. |
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